CHILDREN AND DIVORCE


As much as we still idolize the family, it does some very dumb things. Like divorce.

At a wedding, the couple shows up as do the families and usually a clergyman. It is a warm and exciting event where vows are made and a family is born.

In our day, marriage is mainly a decision by the couple. In earlier days, family members were part of the decision, as is still the case in some cultures. The start of a family is a big deal. It involves money, real estate, careers, faith, culture as well as relationships. Now, the focus is on the relationship. The wider family doesn’t have much part in all the action until after the wedding.

So, here is one big thing that doesn’t make any sense. If the new family’s future depends on the wider family and all its features, why should the couple make solo decisions? The couple has the big part of the decision; but the families should too, if they are to have any part in the building of the new family.

What has all this to do with divorce? Everything! Whoever was part of the original decision should be part of any consideration of divorce.

Instead, we have the weird contrast between a wedding and a divorce. At the wedding, everybody shows up. At the divorce, the wife and her lawyer show up as does the husband and his lawyer.

Divorce American style, ignores the wisdom, the resources, and the opinions of the families and the church. Instead, the opinions of lawyers and courts prevail.

What do lawyers and courts know about the social, psychological and spiritual nature of marriage. Why is the combined wisdom of the families and the church ignored by a couple, at least one of whom is in a big rush?

So, is it any wonder that children are the prime victims of divorce? Their scars can last a lifetime. All because families aren’t doing their full job.

We can’t underestimate the power of love, particularly in its romantic phase. But, families are not without influence. There are the normal familial tugs. There is also lots of leverage, financial and otherwise. Families need to take a page from the past and have their say with the couple with intentions. Also, with couples without intentions.

Families may or may not have influence with the intendeds. Either way it comes down to onus. If the couple decides to go it alone, let them carry the onus for the results. If it is a cooperative family deal, everyone is fortunate because the onus is carried by all. Children do well in families that work together whatever the situation.

Let’s hear from you on this newest in THE FAMILY CHALLENGE, click on the comment button found below this blog.