WHAT ABOUT CHILDREN AND PUNISHMENT


Many of us have been raised with the belief that punishment comes with being bad. Unfortunately, the problem with punishment is that it also is bad. Do two bads make a good?

Fortunately, we are gradually replacing punishment. In most cases punishment didn’t cure the problem and sometimes made it worse. So what do we have instead of punishment?

Unfortunately, as punishment went out of style, we’ve had a gap before its replacement appeared. We are paying a big price for the gap. Children are being raised without the limits they need. In fact, they are being raised without experiencing the normal limits of our society.

The result of the gap is that we have many upset children. They are upset because their misbehavior seems to them to be accepted. So they live in a world with uncertain limits. That is very scary because in such a world, nobody is safe. Children need security as well as love. Take one away and the child becomes disturbed. The child, lacking clear limits, will act up and up until someone makes him safe.

Slowly, however, punishment’s replacement is arriving. It’s called consequences. It is good because it represents the reality of our world. It is good because it enables learning from one’s mistakes. The encouraging fact of our history is that we learn mainly from our mistakes.

So what are consequences all about? Simply, every thought, word or deed has a consequence. For example:

A child, rushing into the room, knocks over and breaks a vase. While he didn’t intend to do it, he still broke the vase. If we have left punishment behind, we don’t need guilt, shame or the blame game. So what is left?

The vase needs to be replaced. The vase costs. Depending on the age of the child, he or she shares in the cost. That way, the child is helped to learn one of life’s most important lessons - every thought, word and deed has consequences.

So we, the adults, must shift gears from punishment to consequences. Tough on us because we were raised on the old style. Now, we must learn constructive options where children learn responsibility by the experience of consequences. A lesson for us all.

"Dear, the vase cost $23.00. What do you think is your fair share?"

Another lesson to be learnt in THE FAMILY CHALLENGE. Let’s hear from you, to add your views simply click on the comment field found below this blog.