EYE ON THE FAMILY: A SERIES ON JUSTICE PART II

THE CHILD AND THE LAW I - INNOCENCE?


The oldest game in the world is "But Mommy said". That can be innocent if the parents are together and if they make light of it. Otherwise, it is the thin edge of the wedge between parents - where children really suffer.

Big problems arise when a parent believes that children are born good. Truth is that children are people with capacities for good and bad. They come that way. The parent that doesn’t see that is dangerous - he/she assumes the child always has good intentions.

The fact is that manipulation is deep in the soul. It is life’s big challenge. Children need early help or they grow up thinking that "having my own way" is the way to go. That, of course, leads to all sorts of social, emotional, learning and legal problems.

For example: We all know a family where parents try to help their kids understand everything, this means long explanations. Kids learn "Why" is a magic word to get what they want. The kids are asked to make too many choices. The result is disorder and chaos. Everything is an issue. Worst of all, a child is so frightened by his own power in the family that he acts up to get someone to take control.

All children need stability. They need to feel safe. If they feel early that their safety is up to them, that is very disturbing. If they know their parents will keep things steady, they can relax and enjoy childhood. Otherwise, war is the child’s world instead of law.

There is a modern parenting trend that causes disturbance in children. The modern busy parent feels guilt leaving the child for work. Overcompensation sets in - giving in
to children. This trend loads children with decisions they’re not ready for.

Permissive parents often react against what they saw in their own rigid upbringing. They want to encourage the child to grow in responsibility - which is good. They give the kids too many options they can’t handle. Parents need to give kids more space, fewer decisions and a slower pace.

Innocence is an ideal which nobody attains - young or old. We adults have daily struggles doing things right. Children need to be introduced to that struggle slowly and in a family environment that is safe and stable, a family that respects law at home.

Parents can use the Covenant (see Covenant details at www.newhopecoveants.org) to make their Yeses, YES and their Nos, NO. Be sure to see next week’s blog: The Child and the Law II - Yes and No.

To view your thoughts on THE FAMILY CHALLENGE click on the comment field found below this blog.