JOINING SHAPES OUR FAMILIES


What is this all about? The proposition is this: Just as our words and language create human communication, so joining creates our families.

We are steadily learning that there is a big difference between hearing and listening. Now we are learning that this thing called “Joining” actually shapes our families.

To get at this let’s look at three levels of human communication: chatting, conversation and joining.

Most of us have lots of chat. We cover the world’s weather, national crises and Aunt Edna’s rheumatism. We can have a lot of chatting without much connection from all the talking. We fill our world with words either within the family, with others or from all the media. Shakespeare’s line is “Sound and fury signifying nothing”.

At the conversation level, things are different – talking, hearing and listening really happen. When the other person talks, I not only hear but I listen - which means I let his/her talk sink in. So at this level, in a conversation, there can be both hearing and listening - creating understanding between persons.

The claim here is that “joining” actually creates families. To better understand this, we had better see what “joining” really means. The word suggests one person actually joins the space of another. If I say to you “I’m having a lousy day”, you actually start to feel with me my lousy day. Even more importantly, if you respond with something like “I thought you looked a little down today”, that tells me you are with me.

What just happened here? One person left his own self concerns to move into the world of another. That is a very big deal. Why? Because two people forged a link. Relationships are built when two individuals join with each other by sharing what they are thinking and feeling - both ways.

Families are where our lives are intimately linked. The members are part of each other. Joining is how all this happens.