DOES OUR FAMILY TALK?


Some folks talk too much; others talk too little. Some are always serious; others love small talk. Some are worth listening to; others are not. What do we do with all this in our family?

The poets and authors praise good conversation. They claim it is our greatest gift. So what makes conversation good? Small talk is essential because it can keep things interesting and light hearted. It needs to be balanced, however, with talk that carries more important messages. Information on the weather is usually helpful but talks need to turn at times to more personal things. Talk without guts is flimsy and without influence. The weather can’t compete with the pain of a big speeding ticket.

Good talk is as much about emotions as about words. Most of us are not good at sharing emotions in constructive ways. The art of dialogue is not just listening but also watching and wondering. The way a person talks says as much as the words.

So the skill of dialogue starts with a focus on the other person. The response needs to fit what is seen and heard. Only then can I share what’s on my mind. Until then, I can say a lot but I will likely not be heard. At this point we no longer have dialogue we have monologue.

Families have their own talk patterns. Some members talk more than others. Usually in the family there is someone who listens, that’s the person who can help the family talk helpfully. The person who listens can support and encourage the talker so he/she doesn’t need to keep going. The listener can also draw out from the talk a good point someone made but no one heard. Families need as many listeners as they can get.

In family dialogue, there is an important place for the person who can sum things up. After long conversation, it is easy to lose sight of what is worth remembering. Usually it is the role of a parent or other adult to put the lid on things. Sometimes a teenager sees things more clearly than anyone else.

Probably the poets and authors are right – good talk is the best there is for families.

So put the question to yourself and your family – Does my family talk?