Thursday, July 03, 2008

WHO COMES FIRST: ME OR MY FAMILY?

For most of us this is a silly question. If I put myself second to the family I turn into a non-person. I lose my identity and self-worth. I become a wimp following whatever the family says. I have a mind of my own. I have talents and I will do what I think is best guided by my own conscience.

On the other hand:

Let’s suppose that my family is a team - meaning we all decide together what is best for the family and what is best for each member. In this case, there is no boss telling me what I must do. Instead there are family members sharing their views as I explain what I think is best for me.

The family has a lot to offer. There is its culture, beliefs and experiences. There are people who want the best for me as well as the family. They have the advantage of a less biased view of what is best for me. In other words, I will hear ideas I would not have considered otherwise.

This team process is what has taken the business world a century to learn. For the company to be well off, it requires a team who will put company welfare first before individual wants. True, not all businesses are honest and scrupulous. Still, the big lesson is that with teamwork everybody wins.

If the business example is suspect, then try the spiritual example. The great religions, at least in theory, say that we find ourselves and our purpose through the fellowship as believers. They even claim that God Himself supports such team efforts.

So, the big question still is: Who is more important, Me or My Family?

If we have trouble with both business and spiritual references, then we can try science. Bill Bryson in his book “A Short History of Nearly Everything” demonstrates that in the entire universe there is no living thing that can exist solo. In biology and astronomy, the relationships in the body are the only things that are alive. In other words, in all the universe life is only to be found in groups of relationships. Ditto the family. In the universe solo is death - so too in our world and with our family.

So ask yourself the big question - who comes first, me or my family?

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