Eye on the Family

2008-05-08T09:20:00.005-04:00

IS OUR FAMILY SPIRITUAL?

Despite great world-wide confusion, the family spiritual issue is quite simple:

What’s it all about? That’s the question.

With all the possible different answers, each family faces the same question.

Can you imagine parents trying to raise their children without looking at that fundamental question? Yes, because it is happening. The spiritual questions are too confusing, so let’s leave it till later when we may need it.

Can you imagine turning kids loose in this mixed up world to find their own answer to the big spiritual question? Sure we can, if we forget kids look to us to see our answers so they have somewhere to start.

At the very least, kids need to know the spiritual choices. Parents need to know and share what the big religions say about our choices. There are four big ones:

Do I want to become better?

What do I believe – God? Fate? Luck? Prayer? Goodness?

Do I have a spiritual home or group? (Can’t get there alone)

Am I here to help others?

The many millions who have followed one of the great religions have learned that spirituality requires answers to all of these big choices.

So, is my family spiritual? The answer is “Yes”, if the members are actively helping each other with the four big spiritual questions.

Have a comment to add for this FAMILY CHALLENGE? Click on the "comment" button found below and let's hear from you!

2008-04-16T09:32:00.002-04:00

IS OUR FAMILY FAIR?

Our families have a tough time with this question because our society is confused and hung up about rights and freedoms. This huge confusion comes from several sources:

- Governments love to give rights to gain votes. Most of what they give we already have

- Lawyers make themselves rich bending laws in the name of personal rights

- Misguided religious, businesses and lobby groups try to sell freedom as the ultimate good

The only freedom that families need worry about is that inner freedom that doesn’t come from laws, lawyers or do-gooders. The great religions and the great disciplines know that inner freedom is the only one that counts.

So what are the big lessons families need:

1. We are born free to make our big choices

2. Freedom to be ourselves is found first in the family

3. There are no society’s “freedoms” that are safe

4. Inner freedom is a matter of spiritual choice

The juvenile cry of our day is “It’s not fair”. Translated this means “I want my own way.” Too many are living in self imposed misery believing their way is the right way.

The wise family response is: “Your way doesn’t come before the family way.” We each need a check on our primitive impulses. That lesson is one of the best gifts parents can give to their children.

Give us your thoughts on this latest FAMILY CHALLENGE by clicking on the comment button found below.

2008-04-02T09:40:00.000-04:00

DOES OUR FAMILY CARE?

Car salesmen tell us they care. So do our governments, businesses and advertisers. Caring is fashionable and fuzzy.

Gut caring is another matter. It is hard and it is tough. It means we take the focus off ourselves and put it on someone else. It means we take the trouble to understand someone else so that we find a way to show we care - in their perspective and in their world.

No wonder someone invented the phrase “Tough Love”.

Caring is primarily family business. Caring starts when parents have a new infant whose first need is caring. We know the power of caring when we see the terrible disorders in children who have missed it. Caring is the first requirement for parenthood and the foundation of the family.

Caring is so tough that most of us find alternatives to the real stuff. We try busyness, bossiness, noisiness, nosiness, possessiveness and so on. We create these neurotic patterns to avoid the demands of caring - patience, openness, humility and risk.

The family is our best place to let folks help us with our favorite neurotic pattern. It is also the safest place to be vulnerable. In most other places, we put on the “right” face to fit in. These places are usually deficient in caring for reasons of safety. Churches, businesses, schools, clubs and hangouts, each have their own culture. Caring is usually too powerful for these cultures to handle.

Today’s challenge is that these outside cultures have great influence as the family struggles to keep itself together. It is going to take brave new efforts by families to nurture and protect the one ingredient in life that we all need but which seems to be in such short supply.

What’s your view on this FAMILY CHALLENGE, tell us by clicking on the “comment” button found below.

2008-03-20T12:28:00.015-04:00

ARE WE GETTERS OR GIVERS?

Here is the regular menu of what our family gets:

Cars.......................Roads.....................Police

House.....................Water.....................Fuel

Power.....................Mail.......................Garbage

TV.........................Radio.....................Internet

Holidays..................Sports....................Games

Shows.....................Newspapers.............Bikes

Health Care...............Drugs....................Emergency

Dental.....................Libraries................Swimming

Food.......................Clothing.................Shoes

Furniture..................Insurance..............Charge Cards

Schools....................Counseling.............Training

Armies.....................Mounties...............Alarms

Churches..................Clubs....................Classes

Etc.........................Etc.......................Etc.

We not only have all these, we expect to have them all the time. So our Family is a “getter” - big time.

Does our family ever think how we get all this? When we pay taxes and when we buy something we feel we are paying for it - but are we?

Does our family ever think of itself as a member of the community - getting and giving?

If we did, we would realize that you can’t buy good service. That only comes from someone wanting to help. We would also realize that most of these services rely on volunteer help somehow. So there are helpers out in our community helping. Does our family see this and does it do it?

The sad fact is that there are folks who think they have a right to get. It is also sad that too many families take all their goodies for granted. But then, there are families who see themselves as community supporters doing what they can to help.

Is our community showing signs that the “getters” outnumber the “givers”? That is when communities fail. That is when families and individuals suffer - Big time.

Tell us if you think your family is a “getter” or a “giver” in this latest FAMILY CHALLENGE by clicking on the comment button found below.

2008-03-05T07:15:00.004-05:00

IS OUR FAMILY HONEST?

There are big lies and little lies. Big lies are what some governments and businesses do. Families have to worry about little lies.

Little lies work against trust. Without trust, relationships suffer. When relationships suffer the family starts falling apart.

The trouble with little lies is that they lead to more lies - it’s like a virus. In the family with this virus, nobody can feel safe. The whole security of the family is at stake - the members are on edge with each other. They end up feeling alone. If this condition becomes chronic, family members develop all sorts of personal problems.

So, honesty is big and tough. The toughest part is the risks. Will they lead in the right or wrong direction? Will others welcome and support us? Or will our honesty lead to misunderstanding?

So, honesty is essential to family life and honesty in family life is essential to our own lives. So where do we start?

As with most family matters, the start is with the parents and other key adults. Family honesty has its origins in marital honesty. So for parents, honesty is not an option. It keeps getting tougher because marital honesty starts with one’s honesty with oneself. Here’s where it gets really tough.

Each individual, parent and adult faces the challenge to size up oneself to be able to lead a family and be a parent. Most of us need help with this - in fact, self-assessment is a risky solo task. We need the help of a friend to get the real picture.

Honesty is a bit of an art. We know folks who “speak their mind” and hurt others. We might withhold a fact that could hurt rather than help. Honesty comes down to the two little words - “Yes” and “No”. When put to the test these two words settle most big, complicated matters.

One of the great features of the family is that folk’s lives are intertwined. The big family test is: Who will be with me when I die? These deep bonds shape us. It is true that it is sometimes easier to be honest with a stranger and it is also true that honesty is tougher at home. There is great peril in being honest elsewhere when it is the honesty at home that builds the bonds that shape us.

So, family life is built on honesty which is built on honesty with oneself. This is essential in order to live in supportive family relationships with others. Honesty is essential for a family to be a family.

Give us your opinion on Family Honesty, another step forward in meeting The Family Challenge.

2008-02-05T10:28:00.000-05:00

THE FAMILY PARTNERSHIP

Do words matter? Poets say words have power. Let’s see if “partnership” has power that applies to the family.

If a family says it is a partnership, it is laying claim to a very special nature. It is saying that:

Our family comes first - even before its individual members.
In our family, everybody plays, everybody wins and each has and plays apart.
Partnership highlights relationships whose focus is bigger and better than a focus on any one man, woman, child, teen or senior.
Each person wins because he is vitally important to all.

There is a peril in partnerships. They can become lopsided when some carry the load and others have a free ride. That destroys partnerships and hurts.

So, in a sound family partnership, everybody counts, has a say and does his/her share. The members take responsibility and work together.

In partnerships, everybody is not equal. There are senior partners and junior partners. Senior partners have more responsibility. Junior partners have less say for now. However, in good partnerships, junior partners learn how to be senior partners who then in turn bring along new junior partners.

We all have had experiences with partnerships - at work or in the community. Making a partnership work at home is probably a bigger challenge with much bigger benefits for all.

Let’s hear your thoughts on this latest FAMILY CHALLENGE, click on the “comment” button found below to share your thoughts.

2008-01-15T09:03:00.000-05:00

THE FAMILY BUSINESS

Not so long ago, the family business was the farm, the shop or the store. It was more than a business. It was a major family bond where members worked together. The income is what sustained the family. Money was working to preserve family cohesion.

Now business and money separates family members. Parents go to their own jobs – for most today that keeps them very busy. Children go to school where success means good jobs and money. All this are combining to fragment the family.

The old family business had a bigger job than money. There, the rules and values of life were shared in their daily relationships. Now those rules and values come more from the school and the jobs. This makes fragmentation
much more serious.

So what is the business of the family? Its job is to raise kids and provide a safe place for relationships that build character and prepare the members for a good life. That preparation includes discerning what is healthy and what is not. Today’s environment gives plenty of examples of both.

The experts in strategic planning know that when there is a complex muddle, one clear, practical goal can make a success and clear away a lot of fog. How would our daily family problems look if we were targeted on getting kids ready to be parents? If we were clear about our main purpose, our problems would look smaller and very different. In fact, we could use them as practice for parenthood.

The Family Cybermall, www.familycybermall.org, and its New Hope Covenant are designed to help families decide what their real business must be.

2008-01-02T07:10:00.000-05:00

TODAY’S FAMILY

Our family of four lives in North Durham. Mom and Dad both work. The son and daughter go to grade school. Mom struggles with depression; Dad struggles with being grumpy.

A call from the school tells them their son, age 11, is coming without his homework done. Mother finds time to talk to the school and discovers that there is a daily sheet from the school for homework. That sheet has not been arriving home.

Mom is upset by this and wants her son back on track. Grumpy Dad gives the boy a blast then retreats to his newspaper. Mother is left wondering what needs to happen at home to ensure homework gets done on time. She’s feeling stranded with not much energy.

There are some big questions here. Should the son be grounded until he’s bringing home the sheet and doing the homework? Is the school paying enough attention to this or do they just have a system? Do these folks need some professional help?

And finally, who is responsible to help this family if it can’t deal with this?

Do you know someone who has this FAMILY CHALLENGE? There are resources out there, they can be found at www.familycybermall.org. Have a look, maybe you can find some help for your family or friends there.

2007-12-13T15:37:00.000-05:00

TEENS - OUR FUTURE FAMILY

In the “good old days” we could predict our family’s future:

Where we would live and our neighbours
Our work and income level
The church and school we would attend
Our family values and beliefs

Today family life with teens is also predictable:

We will argue about time to be back, cars, homework
We will live in different cyber worlds with cell phones and internet
We will have good times together and bad times apart
We all will focus on school, grades and careers
We will worry about smoking, drugs and sex
We will argue about who’s boss

What is not predictable is what our family will be like in a few short years.
Those who are now teens will be calling the shots. They will decide:

Will we be a close or distant family?
How important will money, career and status be?
What will be the family values?
Will the family have a spiritual base?
Will the family contribute to the community?
How will the next generation be raised?

Being parents is the toughest job with the least training. If families with teens were focused on these mighty questions of the future of their family, maybe the teenage phase would have a better focus for all family members.

For views on family life, see: www.eye-on-the-family.blogspot.com
For teen views see: http://www.familycybermall.org/ - “Youth Speaks Out”

2007-11-20T16:02:00.000-05:00

WHAT’S AHEAD FOR KIDS?

There is a mountain of evidence that many kids have serious emotional and behavior disorders.

In the 70’s and 80’s government put major funding into children’s mental health centers. There are some 40 excellent such centers in Ontario - all with big waiting lists.

Over 50 years the statistics on emotional and behavior disorders in children have grown worse. Then one in ten children had such problems and 25% got the service they needed. Now one in five children have such disorders and only 25% will get the help they need. (Ontario Children’s Mental Health)

Now, there will be no new money for these children. In most cases, waiting until psychological treatment is needed is usually too late.

Governments and agencies aren’t going to provide this needed help for these children.

The only alternative is families. Most serious emotional and behavior disorders in children can be prevented or at least managed by families. They face two challenges. First they must learn a lot more about raising kids in this high risk world. Second they must work together with those in the community with the professional know-how.

Otherwise we face a new crop of child crises since there will be no new money for mental health centers.

Looking for resources to help? Have a look at www.familycybermall.org, a website that provides a list of resources for families. One more helpful step towards meeting THE FAMILY CHALLENGE.

2007-10-05T06:26:00.000-04:00

THE CYBERMALL IS COMING FOR FAMILIES

UNESCO reports the U.S. and the U.K. at the bottom of the list of child well-being among the 21 wealthiest nations, with Canada 12th. In the midst of our Western resources, we are not doing the job for our kids.

In every community we have enormous resources for families - churches, businesses, schools, governments, the media, health care and social services. We have so much, yet we don’t seem able to provide what families need. Why is this?

One big reason is that each family is unique. It is difficult for our community resources to offer a service designed for each individual family. It is also difficult for families to decide what they most need and what services are available. Families don’t even realize all the rich community resources they have.

Into this confusing picture comes the cybermall. What is it? Simply, an online source of all local and community services. It means families have a new, fast, one-stop shopping service for all their needs. It means families have at their finger tips all the available information and services they could need to do the right job for themselves and their children.

Cybermall means families now must take their job more seriously. They need to decide what’s best for their children using the right resources of the community. It is a reminder to families that they are the cornerstone of our society. The full well-being of our children depends primarily on the family. That means families now need to work together as a team as they scan the cybermall for what they most need.

The Cybermall is another tool we can use to help our children, ourselves and our families to meet THE FAMILY CHALLENGE head on! Let’s hear what you think about a one-stop shop of resources for families, click on the comment button below to voice your opinion.

2007-09-19T14:39:00.000-04:00

WHAT’S TODAY’S FAMILY ALL ABOUT?

In our fast changing world families now take different forms from traditional to “way-out”. Yet, the family is still our best bet for love, trust, basic values and security. It is also our community’s best bet for freedom and security.

Now, a family is any group that meets regularly to eat, do things, have fun and in some cases, pray. So, the big question is “What’s this family all about?”

The traditional family didn’t need to wonder about itself because family life was the pattern. Now is there a pattern or is every family on its own?

If today’s family is on its own, the next question is “Who’s setting the pattern - the family itself or the community?” Our fast paced world with its fast cars, money, technology and media seems to have the upper hand in shaping the family. In the meantime the family is being bombarded by media messages and government rules saying what the family should be doing.

So the bottom line is that families now need to take control of their own special uniqueness, roles and rules if it is to provide the loving, trusting place on which we all rely.

Let’s hear your view on The Family Challenge by clicking on the “comment” button found below this blog.

2007-09-06T13:25:00.000-04:00

THE SPIRITUALITY OF MOM AND DADS

The Barna Research Group has just released a study of 10,000 adults and their views on spirituality. The big study result is that Moms show greater interest in faith than Dads:

- Three quarters of the Moms interviewed identify “family” to be their highest priority.

- A majority of Moms agree that their faith is very important in their life.

- Dads also list “family” as first priority with much less emphasis on faith.

- Moms were distinct from fathers on 11 of 12 faith factors.

- A majority of Moms said they have been transformed by their faith but less than half the Dads said so.

All this may be a surprise to some but not to most. However, there is something more important than these differences. We all know that raising children is a tough job for two parents and even tougher for one.

The spiritual nurturing of children is in the hands of parents. The differences cited here are all the more reason Moms and Dads need to work together for the well-being of their children. If Moms show greater interest in faith, then they need to use that gift in cooperation with the gifts of Dads.

Add your thoughts to this most recent comment on THE FAMILY CHALLENGE by clicking on the comment button found below.

2007-08-16T16:00:00.000-04:00

THE FADING POWERS OF FAMILY AND CHURCH

Time was when family, church and school worked together to nurture children and provide stability for family life. Now the family is fragmented with its members rushing off in different directions. Churches have become clubs for the shrinking faithful.

Money is a good indicator of social power. Big government, big business and big health services command huge money flows. In the meantime, families are working overtime to stay ahead of the debt load. Churches are losing membership and funding and are frantically trying to learn to do with less.

The family problem is fragmentation. The church problem mission creep - trying different things that aren’t working. If the family is losing touch with itself, its’ solution is a return to togetherness - eating, talking and playing together. If the churches are looking for a clear mission, they should find a focus on the family since the family is the primary source of faith.

The powers of both families and churches are waning because they are both spinning in their own squirrel cage that goes nowhere. Maybe they could get it right if they rediscovered that they need each other. Families, together, need to discover the spiritual dimension that is essential to family well-being. Churches need to serve the young families and individuals to bring today’s world into the church world.

This is not a casual challenge:

Where is family life without togetherness?

Where are we and our society without a spiritual dimension?

Can churches avoid a lingering death without young families and individuals?

Where is our society without family stability and lasting values?

We want to hear your point of view on THE FAMILY CHALLENGE, add your comments by clicking on the “comment” button found below.

2007-08-05T19:50:00.000-04:00

PARENTS OR PALS?

In the rush of to-day’s living, parents are concerned about quality time with the children and youth. It is a fact that infants need continuous parental attention. As children get older, even into adult life, they need attention. With older children, too much attention can be as harmful to their mental heath as too little.

There is another dimension to parenting that is not getting the attention it requires. We’ll call it “Care Management”. Professionals use the phrase “Case Management” meaning ongoing oversight of the right combination of experiences a person needs. In our human services, “Case Management” is the big scarcity. In families, “Care Management” is often the big scarcity.

The well-being of the child comes from the total combination of his experiences - at home, school, the community, the church, the club and on his own. What he learns comes from whomever he spends “quality time” - and how much time.

This “care management”’ job of parents matches the importance of the family togetherness time. Only the parents have the responsibility of being an advocate for their children. If the child or youth is spending too much or too little time with friends, with himself, with his studies - all are the business of parents.

The “Care Management” task can now be much better done in our new world of e-mails, cell phones and e-records. Parents can forget; kids can make excuses but an e-trail is quick and sure. Some kids need little scrutiny; with other kids, it can make the whole difference to their personal and academic progress.

Parenting is the world’s toughest job to some degree because we all have to learn the hard way. Some humorist said “Have three kids and throw away the first two”. More attention to “Care Management” can make the job easier.

Let’s hear from you on “Care Management” as part of THE FAMILY CHALLENGE by clicking on the comment button found below.

2007-07-16T09:09:00.000-04:00

OUR FAMILY MONEY MADNESS

The modern, Western family balance sheet short changes children, the wage earn(s) and the seniors.

The wage earner(s) short change themselves by their lifestyle of the latest home, cars, toys and big holidays. The cost of this drives the wage earner(s) on high speed commutes to fast paced jobs with long hours. The costs of the mortgage, taxes and energy are chronic concerns and sources of distraction from family life.

This leaves children short changed by lack of parent attention. The substitutes are special school and day care plus electronic gadgets to keep them occupied. When they develop emotional and social problems, the parent(s) go for medical solutions, usually in pill form.

The seniors are short changed because they are put out to pasture. The energetic ones get hobbies; the others get depressed, busy at silly things and get sick. This is driving up the cost of health care which the wage earners pay for in higher taxes.

The banishment of the seniors is a particularly dumb strategy. Here are folks with a wealth of life and children rearing experiences being told they are not needed in the family decisions and the care of children. This banishment is costly because it negates the worth of seniors and requires other households with all their expenses.

This is dumb because the wage earner(s) hasn’t graduated from adolescence. Dependent children learn to be independent in teenage. They are supposed to graduate to interdependence - with the savvy to lead family teamwork. So they are still trying to prove their independent worth instead of ensuring the worth of the children and the seniors. Since this has been going on for some time, our streets are not safe from a growing crop of maladjusted young people.

No wonder the recent UNICEF study finding that national financial well-being is at the cost of child well-being.

Please add your comments to this most recent FAMILY CHALLENGE by clicking on the comment button found below.

2007-07-02T07:50:00.000-04:00

DAD’S DAY IS COMING - PART II

In Part I we saw the decline of Dad’s role in the family. Here we look at the special gifts fathers bring to their children.

A local primary school principal says children don’t know what to do at recess. They look vacant or can become very competitive. They just don’t know how to play.

The UTNE Reader points to research that kids learn to play mainly from Dads. In roughhousing, they learn to have fun and also how far they can go. Dads help kids learn controls. According to UTNE, fathers’ style of play has particular significance for children.

An even more surprising research result has to do with empathy. We usually associate children’s experience of empathy with mothers and grandmothers. A 26-year longitudinal study showed this: “The single most important childhood factor in developing empathy is paternal involvement in child care”.

So, if child well-being is our prime concern, the rushing Dads must slow down for the kids. Separated and divorced parents need to worry less about their own rights and make sure the kids have good “Dad Time”.

The job of parenting is too big for two parents. For one parent it is barely manageable at a high cost to the parent. Those children must have trusted, male, intimate contact if they are to enjoy any sense of maturity.

Let’s hear from you on this and other topics on THE FAMILY CHALLENGE by simply clicking on the comment button found below this blog.

2007-06-25T11:31:00.000-04:00

DAD’S DAY IS COMING - PART I

In the good old days, Dad was seen as leader at home, work, school and church. Actually that never was because “the little woman” made sure things went well.

Now things are different. It is the century of the woman. Women go to work, they are the announcers for the media and even are CEO’s of big corporations. All this is good provided it is not at the cost of the family well-being.

Since Bumbstead men have been more portrayed as bumbling or macho; women are now portrayed as equal in ability. This is where families can suffer from the shifts.

Since Bumbstead the statistics have become alarming. Violent crime has soared – 600% as has single mom families – out of wedlock births is reaching 40%. Teen suicides have tripled.

Professor Stephen Green’s study shows children excel in school when Dads participate in their education.

David Popence of UTNE claims 50% of U.S. children go to sleep each evening without being able to say good-night to their Dads.

In Dad’s Day is Coming Part II, we look at two essential contributions Dads make in family life.

Another part of THE FAMILY CHALLENGE, let's hear from you!

2007-06-04T10:06:00.000-04:00

WELLNESS AND OUR FAMILY

Steve, the guy who invented AOL now sees that wellness is a big market. This is because companies can’t keep up with spiraling health care costs. But wellness is bigger than this.
We all want and need it.

Getting wellness seems simple - eat right, exercise, be with the right people, enjoy what we do and pray. The problem is that we start with a New Year’s resolution on one but it doesn’t last.

Sickness is also a problem. With one condition, there’s usually a pill. However with two or more conditions, sickness feeds on itself. We then spend all our time trying to get well again. Most of us will die from complications.

So, who cares if we are well beside ourselves? Usually only our family. They can help us stick to our wellness routines if they decide to.

So the big "SO" is - for us to enjoy wellness we need our family working for wellness. Our best chance for wellness is our family that is into wellness and encouraging each one.

So wellness is a great family job where everybody wins and enjoys it. Tell us about how your family is meeting this FAMILY CHALLENGE by clicking on the "comment" button found below this blog.

2007-05-18T09:59:00.000-04:00

OUR FAMILIES AND THEIR CHILDREN – PART II

In part I we saw two muddles facing families. The family is untrained to raise children and the community is unable to focus on the unique needs of each family. Here we look at what’s affecting families and what can be done.

The Big Forces that Impact Families

Business targets individuals by age, sex, and class thereby splintering families with the powers of money.

Governments meddle in every part of family life in efforts to gain votes of individuals (families don’t have the vote).

The media promotes excesses to attract attention, viewing and spending.

The impact of these powerful forces is being multiplied by the ever expanding internet.

A Better Way - Eye on the Family

There are several simple family answers to these muddles. First, the family needs to take up more seriously its child raising job. Parents have lots of skills they use at work and in the community. Vision building, teamwork and decision making skills are also needed in families. Then, families can start insisting that the community resources focus on their special needs. Next, families need to start looking at their fitness, their social and spiritual lives. Families also need to turn attention to their own economy - working, spending and saving. E-mail and cell phones can strengthen their own communication.

What Libraries, Agencies, Churches and Businesses Can Do

Focus their attention on strengthening families.

Focus their attention on strengthening families.
Develop resource bases and make them available to families.
Offer family network opportunities with new technology.

To sum it up, the organization that truly advocates for families will gain community trust.

With the combined impact of these powerful forces, it’s no small wonder THE FAMILY CHALLENGE is as large as it is. Share with us your opinion of these challenges by clicking on the “comment” button found below this blog.

2007-05-04T07:01:00.000-04:00

OUR FAMILIES AND THEIR CHILDREN – PART I

The Parent Muddle

When their first child is born, parents are ecstatic but often clueless. The most import job in the world is in the hands of the least skilled. We need to remind ourselves that parenting is a learned skill. Unfortunately there is limited training available for parents, so, the only training most parents get is the memories from their own childhood. As a result the onus is on the baby who must start parent education training.

To add to the muddle, parents tend to correct the problems of their childhood by doing the exact opposite for their own child. Parents of rigid parents become excessively permissive and parents of permissive parents become overly rigid. Mostly, each parent has one hard, fast and wrong opinion on child raising.

The Community Muddle

There is an endless supply of child rearing know-how in every community. These opinions are found with experts, agencies, school boards, clinics, etc. etc.

There are two problems:

Each family is unique

Each resource is unique

These two problems lead to two more problems:

No family can figure out who’s best
The resources can’t seem to cooperate

The result is that families are either on their own or they opt for one fix for most problems (the current craze is a drug prescription). The problem with that is that child rearing continues as a shot-in-the-dark. Is it any wonder that we have an epidemic of school, drug, eating, and sex problems in children?

With all these muddles, no wonder THE FAMILY CHALLENGE can be such a large obstacle. Share with us your viewpoint of these muddles by clicking on the “comment” button found below this blog.

2007-03-21T13:47:00.000-04:00

READING, LIFE AND THE FAMILY

Reading shapes life. A full taste for reading leads to skills, careers and a rich inner life. A distaste for reading can lead to poverty, unemployment and bitterness.

The principal of a primary school in Atlanta said she could tell which kids were ready to learn. Those that are, have eyes that sparkle. Those that aren’t have eyes that are glazed.

The State of Florida just published a report on the gains from pre-K classes. Children not ready to read measured 36 percent down from 42 percent. The study results were presented to show the value of pre-K.

What was missing from the report was reference to parent’s failures with the 36 percent. We all know that children’s reading interest stems from stories read by parents. Children are stimulated to read and learn when parents read in ways that involve them in the book and the story.

Reading is vital to every life. The current push on science and math won’t go far if reading is a problem. In fact, life won’t go far if reading is a problem.

Do we have here another example where families aren’t doing the job for kids and instead expect someone else to do it?

We’ve got the new UNESCO study showing U.S. and U.K. children to be lowest in well-being of the 21 most advanced nations. What more will it take to make families wake up and do what their kids need. Every excuse about busyness pales in the face of the basic needs of children.

To add your comments on this most recent part of THE FAMILY CHALLENGE, click on the comment found below this blog.

2007-03-02T10:11:00.000-05:00

HOW ARE OUR CHILDREN?

A study just released by UNICEF says that American and British children are near the bottom of the well-being list in the world. The study was conducted using 40 well-being factors on children in the 21 economically advanced nations. If there is truth in the study, how can these conditions exist in the most affluent countries? Two of the wealthiest countries in the world are not looking after their children.

There are several predictable reactions to the study (including attacking the study). One is that the welfare systems in these two countries are not getting a fair share of resources. Another is that the education system can’t run good schools. Another is that so much attention and money goes into the wars, there’s not enough left for children. Another is that little attention is being paid to the abuse and sale of children.

There’s probably truth in all of these reactions. It is clear in our society that children are not our first priority despite our sentimentality about them.

However, all these reactions may miss the big point. Are our families doing the job for our children?

We are in an era when the first reaction to most things is to look for someone else to blame. Families have been doing this for decades with the public demand for better schools, better welfare, better daycare and so on, missing the essentials. Who can argue these are bad things? Only if they are a substitute for families doing their job for their children.

To be realistic, all these services aren’t going to get much more money or whatever they need. So it is time for families to take stock. Are our kids getting the attention, instruction and limits that they need? Or, in the money rush, are we depriving them of the essentials?

It is just possible that we have become so swept up by the glitz in life, we are not ready to slow down, take less for ourselves and give more to our kids.

So what do we do next? Let’s slow down and take stock of our families. Let’s help ourselves help our families. Let’s meet THE FAMILY CHALLENGE head on. How do we get started? Visit http://www.newhopecovenants.org/ to get focused on your family goal.

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2007-02-23T09:47:00.000-05:00

CHILDREN AND DIVORCE

As much as we still idolize the family, it does some very dumb things. Like divorce.

At a wedding, the couple shows up as do the families and usually a clergyman. It is a warm and exciting event where vows are made and a family is born.

In our day, marriage is mainly a decision by the couple. In earlier days, family members were part of the decision, as is still the case in some cultures. The start of a family is a big deal. It involves money, real estate, careers, faith, culture as well as relationships. Now, the focus is on the relationship. The wider family doesn’t have much part in all the action until after the wedding.

So, here is one big thing that doesn’t make any sense. If the new family’s future depends on the wider family and all its features, why should the couple make solo decisions? The couple has the big part of the decision; but the families should too, if they are to have any part in the building of the new family.

What has all this to do with divorce? Everything! Whoever was part of the original decision should be part of any consideration of divorce.

Instead, we have the weird contrast between a wedding and a divorce. At the wedding, everybody shows up. At the divorce, the wife and her lawyer show up as does the husband and his lawyer.

Divorce American style, ignores the wisdom, the resources, and the opinions of the families and the church. Instead, the opinions of lawyers and courts prevail.

What do lawyers and courts know about the social, psychological and spiritual nature of marriage. Why is the combined wisdom of the families and the church ignored by a couple, at least one of whom is in a big rush?

So, is it any wonder that children are the prime victims of divorce? Their scars can last a lifetime. All because families aren’t doing their full job.

We can’t underestimate the power of love, particularly in its romantic phase. But, families are not without influence. There are the normal familial tugs. There is also lots of leverage, financial and otherwise. Families need to take a page from the past and have their say with the couple with intentions. Also, with couples without intentions.

Families may or may not have influence with the intendeds. Either way it comes down to onus. If the couple decides to go it alone, let them carry the onus for the results. If it is a cooperative family deal, everyone is fortunate because the onus is carried by all. Children do well in families that work together whatever the situation.

Let’s hear from you on this newest in THE FAMILY CHALLENGE, click on the comment button found below this blog.

2007-02-16T16:44:00.000-05:00

THE TEEN’S LIFE CHALLENGE

Teens seem in a world of their own. They seem to want to think as they like, be with each other and do their own thing. Since most teens are like this, there must be a good reason. There is. They have to figure out what life is all about.

"What’s it all about" is life’s biggest challenge. It is THE spiritual question.

Their search is especially tough these days. Why? Because they face a world of distractions. They are in a tech world of phones, pods, CD’s DVD’s and computers. They are in a world that prides itself in diversity. Life is a multiple choice exam. They live in a world of rush and fast change. They are in a world where everything goes to the extreme. They are in a world of instant mental, emotional and physical satisfactions.

How in the world can they answer their big question? To make things tougher, their world has become a spiritual circus. The old classical answers have lost their attraction. This challenge gets even worse if their family hasn’t come up with answers to the big question. They don’t have guides which they want and don’t want at the same time.

So, how does he choose?

Let’s suppose that someone offers the following:

Growth into a strong and confident person
Belong to a group that cares for him no matter what
Get guidance whenever he needs it
Freedom from guilt and depression
New satisfaction by helping others
Belief that good is stronger than bad and love stronger than hate

What would that teen do with that offer? It is probably right under his nose and available if he wants to listen. What should he do? Decide on the package he wants. Then go shopping till he finds it. The safest shopping is with folks he respects and trusts.

Join in on our discussion of THE FAMILY CHALLENGE by clicking on the comment button found below this blog.